In which Arthur is the only one to Angst
by Mich' Loinvoyant
Summary: Merlin accidentally reveals his magic to Arthur. Arthur doesn't take it well. Merlin decides angst doesn't help anyone. He could have sent the memo to Arthur. PS: I'm not sure whether this angst masquerading as crack or crack masquerading as angst. Arthur thinks it's angst. Everyone else think it's hilarious. On the other hand, this is in Arthur's POV.


In which Merlin decides angsting doesn't help anyone, and forgets to send the memo to Arthur.

Or :

In which Arthur's best friend turns out to have been an enemy all along, and no one believes him.

Or :

In which everyone laughs at Arthur.

-You're a _sorcerer_.

-Yes. Arthur, we don't have time for this. Just answer me : do you trust me ?

The question was laughable and the answer obvious.

-Of course not ! Snapped Arthur.

Merlin's eyes hardened.

-Very well. I hoped we could do this the easy way, but we will have to do it in another way instead, Come with me.

-And why should I ?

-Think about it. I have the trust of the Court Physician and of the Queen. Think of the damage I could do were I to return to Camelot without you.

-Oh. Because you think I can't take you down, sorcerer ? Said Arthur, pointing his sword to his liar of a manservant. Ex-manservant. He was so fired. And executed.

Merlin shot a rapid glance behind Arthur. A tree exploded.

-Yes, I think so. Now come with me.

-I'd rather die !

-And leave Camelot defenseless ? Against an enemy within herself ? I think not.

Arthur didn't answer and didn't lower his sword. He needed to think.

-We don't have time for you to come to a decision ! You _will _come with me !

He had no choice. He launched himself at the man wearing the face of his best friend, sword first. (cut him some slack, he's shocked. Apparently his fighting reflexes are too.)

Then everything went black.

xxxxxx

Later on, he woke up on the floor of a forest, a fire going on near him. He was covered with his cape and laid down comfortably on the floor, even though there was nothing between him and the earth but his clothes. Sorcery. Then the responsible for it talked.

-Finally. I hope we won't have a repeat of that little bout of idiocy, Arthur ?

-Don't call me that.

The words escaped him, betraying his hurt.

There was a moment of silence, then :

-It is your name. Why do you want me to call you ?

-Anything but that ! Don't ...Don't act like... !

Merlin's whole face hardened.

This is what he is really like, Arthur told himself. Don't forget. Don't trust him.

-Very well. Then I suppose I'll call you son of Uther, since you're so very proud of your father. Now get up, son of Uther. We have a long road ahead.

xxxxx

Arthur, sometimes, tried to run. It always ended the same way. Everything went dark and he woke up to the sorcerer's voice.

xxxxxx

He also tried some questions.

-What are you doing ?

-Why are you asking me anything, son of Uther ? Why would I answer you with the truth ?

-Because you're going to kill me.

Arthur was sure he imagined the wavering of the traitor's steps. (No. Not a traitor. Treason implied loyalty had been there at some point, and there never was any to begin with)

-I don't intend to kill you. You're still necessary, even once this is done. I need and want you alive.

-Why ?

-I have my reasons, son of Uther.

It was better, thought Arthur. At least this way it was easier to remember. The hatred and the spite in this way of being named - it hurt, but less than the reminder of everything he had lost – everything that had been a lie, that his name was.

« Son of Uther ». It was better.

xxxxxx

Sorcery aside, it was not very different from any of his previous quests. At least, for the physical comfort. The occasional attack of bandits was dealt with faster – though Arthur privately wondered, again, what could be the reason of the sorcerer to want him alive when a branch conveniently fell down on a bandit approaching him from the back. Whatever it was, it must be important for him to masquerade as a servant and keep him alive all those years.

-Does Gaius know ?

-Why would he ?

-You lived with him.

-And I served you. Yet you didn't know.

xxxxx

A week later, after having accomplished what the sorcerer wanted (Arthur could have used one of those lucky breaks he had so many times before – but nothing happened. He had been powerless, and the beast the sorcerer had wanted dead – for some reason – was slain. And he was uninjured. Really, those lucky breaks of his were starting to look less like luck and more like magic.), they arrived near Camelot.

-Well, this is where I leave you, son of Uther.

-What ?!

The look on the sorcerer's face was familiar. « How can you be so stupid ? » it said. Arthur ached.

-I am not going to let you execute me, Arthur.

(The tenderness was back in his voice. Arthur ignored it.)

He smiled (a familiar smile, the like of which Arthur hadn't seen during that god-awful week)

-We'll see each other again, sire.

And he disappeared in smoke.

* * *

He informed Gwen first.

She kept silent a long time.

-Oh. Well, this explains a lot of things. I'll need to thank him, she said finally.

-Thank him ? Repeated Arthur, astonished.

-Well, of course. For all the times he saved your life. All of our lives, now that I think about it.

-No, Guenevere, you don't understand. He betrayed us – no, he was never loyal to begin with. The Merlin we thought we knew – he's a lie. He never existed. He protected us, maybe, but for his own ends.

There was pity in his Queen's eyes.

-Oh, Arthur. This must have been so difficult for you.

She embraced him.

xxxxx

Talking to Gaius was the most difficult, but it was also the most necessary.

Upon hearing the truth about his ward, Gaius paled.

-I'm sorry Gaius. It must be difficult for you, but it's the truth.

-And...you don't suspect me ?

Arthur had a sad smile.

-I know you didn't know. The sorcerer was very clear in his disdain for your loyalty to Uther, and he would never have told you. He can be a very convincing liar.

Gaius lowered his gaze,

-That he is, sire. That he is.

xxxxxx

His knights, his advisors, all had the same reactions. They laughed at the suggestion Merlin could have magic. Then they laughed at the idea he had never been loyal.

Nothing Arthur said convinced them otherwise.

* * *

If the sorcerer had staid away, eventually, everyone would have forgotten about him, and Arthur would have been able to eventually convince everyone of the truth of things. But he came back.

He came back two days later. He blasted the doors of the throne room open. When the sorcerer attacking the royal family turned and sent a rush of flames towards him, he transformed it into ropes and sent it back, tying the attacking sorcerer. Then he uttered a spell, and the other sorcerer lost consciousness.

He turned back towards the doors, and said.

-Oh. I think I can arrange that.

Another spell.

The doors were...changed.

-...Oops.

-MERLIN !

He turned, a smile on his lips.

-Hello Gwen.

His wife threw herself in the arms of his enemy, who embraced her.

A muttered conversation started, then the liar said, out loud.

-I'm sorry Gwen, but I must go, now, before your husband calls for the guards. I don't fancy dying, you know.

-But it's not the last time I see you, right ?

Merlin snorted.

-With the frequency of magic attacks upon Camelot ? That's not likely. Heck, I thought I had at least a week ! But no, here I am already.

He kissed her on the cheeks, and added :

-bye now.

And disappeared.

xxxxxx

After that it happens again. And again. Camelot is attacked. A monster appears. Someone is not who they seem to be. Again and again and again.

Every time Merlin appears, helps resolve the crisis, which takes more or less time. He talks with his friends (they're not his friends. Can't they see he's lying ?), laughs a little, and acts with Arthur himself like nothing happened.

Except the fire is lit with magic, they're never blinded by rain, and when a man is injured, he is immediately treated. Except if it's Arthur. He refused to let the sorcerer uses his magic on him. Merlin just rolls his eyes and let it go. (except that one time where he could have sworn he heard his best friend's voice begging him to hold on, just a little longer, everything was going to be alright...and when he woke up, nobody mentioned that he should have died of his wound. But Merlin looks at him with a relieved smile and Arthur avoids his eyes, for once not because it reminds him of what he lost, what he never had but because he's starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he's being stupid. And willfully blind. And also, kind of a jerk.)

Sometimes Merlin arrives with news of an attack, and they prepare. Arthur tries to argue this is a trap from the sorcerer, and Merlin points out what he proposes can't, actually, be used against Camelot – neither depleting the borders of the city. Arthur always cedes. And always, always, Merlin is telling the truth.

Arthur thinks he's binding his time.

That's what he says, anyway.

It would be more believable if Merlin wasn't so utterly Merlin. One time he got isolated from his Knights, Merlin showed up.

-Sorry I'm late, he said. I was tied up.

It could be a figure of speech, but Merlin looks not good. A little exhausted even. Arthur says nothing, tries to believe in a ruse.

Three days later, when they arrive at Camelot and Merlin announces his departure, Arthur says nothing.

He lowered his guard too much. He almost forgot.

xxxxx

One day, Merlin asks, out of the blue :

-Did you figure it out ?

-What, _Mer_lin ?

It happens too often. He forgets himself. Acts like _before._ Every time he gets his guard up again, but Merlin is too Merlin for him to keep it up. He knows, one day, this could be fatal.

_To know the heart of one sorcerer is to know them all_. His father said, after his life was saved by magic.

Probably by Merlin.

-Why I'm keeping you alive.

Arthur swallows and doesn't answer.

He's starting to think maybe he always knew.

xxxxxxx

And finally, what Arthur has prophesied happens. Merlin comes to Camelot on a dragon. A dragon supposed to be dead, but nothing surprises Arthur anymore when it comes to his former friend.

-What is it this time ? He asks.

-I don't have time to explain, says Merlin, grimly. I need you to come with me immediately.

And he adds :

-Trust me.

Time should stop. During one second, Arthur should see everything that has happened, and everything that could happen. He knows the instant is critical, that everything hinges on right now – like it did last time, though he didn't realize it. This time he knows how important the moment is, but he doesn't dwell on it. He has no need to think about his decision or what it means.

His answer is instantaneous.

-Of course.

* * *

(Later, he'll learn that for everyone who saw the scene, time did stop. Every one realized what happened and was in awe. Except Merlin, who thought nothing of it. It'll be only two days later Merlin will turn towards him, muddy and battered, and will smile – so much more than he did before, with ho hint of the reserve there still was, in fact, during those months but it's still only now Arthur sees it, and say: « Oh. You _trust_ me ! »And Arthur will respond « Idiot » And it will be the end of it.)

(After that quest, Arthur will lift the ban on magic. A delegation of druids will come to Camelot, escorted by Emrys. They will learn that, when he was not saving Camelot, Merlin was learning their ways, learning about magics he did not know, and trying to prepare them to be again a part of the Kingdom. The Druids that come are not fugitive or refugees, and don't approach Arthur in negotiation. They are now part of his Kingdom, and don't, in fact, resent him for what his father did, they just expect him to stop it. Arthur offers reparation all the same.)

(Arthur will ask, the day after Merlin realized things were okay : « So, did Gaius know ? » and Merlin will answer « Of course. I really wasn't discreet or subtle when I arrived in Camelot. What made you suspect ? » « He was the only one who didn't laugh at me when I said you were a traitor » Merlin will laugh. « That really is the only way to react to such a suggestion, you know »)

(And one day, Arthur will ask « So why did you let me think you were evil and my enemy ? Why did you never try to explain, to justify ? » And Merlin will lower his head, and let the silence grow, before answering. « Well, you didn't hesitate. You didn't think at all. My magic – it negated everything you knew about me. So I knew, no words would be able to convince you; you weren't ready to consider the truth, to believe it. And well. I was angry and hurt. So part of it was petty revenge. For thinking I could turn on, you I let you think I had for as long as you would.» Arthur mused on that for a moment, until his thoughts were interrupted by a chuckle. « If I had wanted to be cruel, I could have let you execute me and live with the guilt.» Arthur will glare at him. « I would have escaped ! Honest ! I don't want to _die_, Arthur ! »)

* * *

(Of course, he could have chosen the easy way at first. He could have say « of course » at the start. Things would have been resolved sooner. But even the Once and Future King and Emrys have to, sometimes, do things the hard way. )


End file.
